The Drinking Philosophies of the Men I've Dated, November 8, 2014

From my notebook, a study of the drinking philosophies (and habits) of the men I've dated. A few have been omitted, and names have been changed. 

1. Jackson

“You should only drink merlot with steak,” he believed. Religiously, every night, he drank a tall glass of gin and tonic and couldn’t have them without fresh lime.

2. Paul

“I’m really into classic cocktails.” So he gave preference to Martini’s, Manhattans, or Old Fashioned’s, anything with dark liqueurs that pack a punch. When feeling tropical, Mai Tai’s; craft beers. “I’m a fan of a little daytime tipsy,” he would say.

3. Reynolds

Craft beers, which was congruous to his Greenpoint lifestyle. Never saw him with a glass of wine, never saw him without a cigarette.

4. Nick

Would always go for the most bizarre item on the cocktail menu. Rum drinks and the occasional beer, but he never needed anything to get him excited, he already was. “Are you drunk? I’m drunk. We need to get you drunker.”

5. Matthew

Anything that didn’t mess with his chi.

6. Luke

At parties, cranberry vodka was the drink of choice, if it were mistaken for a cosmopolitan, he’d be offended.  “This isn’t a girly drink.”

7. Don

Loved to try new cocktails, but wouldn’t allow himself whiskey, “I’m Irish, so once I get started I can’t stop. It’s candy to us.”

8. Michael

Would go from beers to negroni’s without a blink. Typical to other Manhattan financiers, would get recklessly drunk at fancy establishments and then – “I make myself throw up in the bathroom”-- so he could watch the Singapore markets the next day without a hangover. Once beer gave him the hiccups.

9. Henri (in Paris)

Belgian beers at an alarmingly cheap price. He knew them all by name and taste and had missed his calling as a beer connoisseur (if that exists).

10. Florent

Red wine. Believed everything could be better by the presence of good wine – including funerals and baseball games.

11. Louis-August

Anything. Another financier who went out on week nights. “It’s hard to stop once you get going,” he’d say with a thick French accent. Would try to match my drinking habits (read: champagne, champagne, champagne).

12. Benjamin

Weak teas. Preferably green ones. “I don’t drink, and I don’t drink coffee either, I like to be in control.”

13. "The Australian"

Always vodka with cucumber and a touch of soda water. With an Australian accent, “cucumber” sounded like, “cue-chumb-bah”. I’d never heard of that combination until we met.

14. Jon

“The two top priorities are food and alcohol.” Nearly a drunk, would taste a martini and snap his fingers, “I’m back in business.” Would invite friends out for drinks only so they could pay the bill. Had a penchant for Mezcal that I never understood. Never drank beer because it wasn’t strong enough.

15. Nicholas

“I don’t touch the stuff.” Didn’t drink, was in an accident with a drunk driver that left him with a misaligned spine, and sidelined him from polo (his profession) temporarily.

16. Andrew

Close to a drunk – wine, liquor every evening without fail. He was late to our first date because he was pre-gamming with a Brunello di Montalcino and dropped the bottle on the white kitchen floor. “I need to slow it down.”

17. Bo

Was the “Beer Czar” in college; refreshingly un-snobby. Knows his German and Belgian beers backwards and forwards.

Appendix A

Me

Negroni's are drink of choice (in hopes of imitating Anthony Bourdain), will trade for an Aperol Spritz when in the mood. Martini's with Bombay Sapphire, olives and no twist are also as equally as appreciated as a glass of Chandon. Champagne will keep me in good spirits. Would always spring for Suntory. Preferably the twelve-year-old Hibiki.