If perchance my eyes are transfixed on the spot on the wall, I’m likely at one of the below places.
1. Outside of Russia there is a palace with a long winding road. I have a nuclear family, a boy and a girl, twins. My husband is coming up the road from a year long trip in a vintage car, and we are so happy to have him home. We go swimming in the lake in our full clothes in the summertime, but they catch cold. In the climax scene we dip our feet in hot tub water and take our temperatures. We sit on the floor after dinner and I play violin for everyone and the fire is roaring.
2. God and I are sitting on a picnic blanket on a cliff. Below the cliff (I’d estimate about 50 feet down) an orchestra is playing. We are talking about our lives, I have several rabbits playing at my feet. The sun is high and there are no clouds.
3. I have arrived in Santorini with my husband at an apartment we have rented on the top of a hill overlooking the water. We run from room to room marveling at the low ceilings, the way the stove clicks. We have a little balcony with chairs, and the sun is very, very warm on my skin. It’s getting hot, I’d even be tempted to say. We dress to sight-see. I have a moment standing near a shop where I watch him joking with a local about his dog. And I realize that I’m very much in love.
4. In New York City I dress in nice suit. I take a folder of some paperwork and tuck it under my arm. I take a cab to midtown, get on an elevator and arrive in an office. I meet with my book agent, we take a seat, talk, and get down to the real reason I’m there: to sign a contract. I cry because I am so happy. I leave and have a solitary lunch somewhere.
5. There is a very big dinner party for 16 people. The dining room has floor to ceiling windows and we are served venison. Tchaikovsky is sitting at the head of the table. He makes a nod to my date, and unbeknownst to him, points and smiles at me. He mouths something to me across the table, but I can’t make out what he’s saying. He has very bright, kind eyes.
6. In London I am leaving my hotel with my mother and we are both wearing suits. A car comes to pick us up, we are going to Buckingham Palace as I am due for tea with the Queen. I turn to my mother during the ride, “Keep the hat, yes, or no?” I ask her, because my fascinator is a bit over the top. “I don’t know if this is very ‘me’.” After several security checks (and leaving her in a lobby) I am escorted to a chamber, and just before entering pull the fascinator off, and leave it behind.
7. Most of my day dreams involve being the vision of perfection, right judgment, good manners etc., but I am not in real life.
8. I’m being interviewed by Oprah about my first book.
9. I day dream that I have very long hair with soft curls.
10. (I used to have many day dreams about Paris that have long since dissipated after traveling there last year.)
11. On the most beautiful day of the year I am going punting on the River Cam. I am wearing a beautiful white dress, and in the company of friends. We share snacks and drinks, and wave at passers and hold a white parasol. We close the day with a picnic, a game of croquet. I fall asleep on someone’s shoulder on the train ride back to London.
12. It is drizzling on Park Avenue. I’ve taken my white West Highland Terrier out for a walk, but she has grown tired. I scoop her up in the middle of a block and zip her in the front of my jacket (she is small). My doorman stops to say hello. “You think it’ll keep raining Ms. Davis?” he asks. “I hope so,” I say.
13. I’m having dinner with a friend. He’s the over-the-top sort, the kind of fellow that has a story that always absurd and silly. I sometimes find pleasure in vulgarities, and he has many to spare. We’ve got our elbows on the table, he’s itching for a smoke, which makes his story even more animated (as if it’s fueled by the fact that he’s ignoring his craving). Someone in the next booth peeps up their head to see what kind of a couple is speaking in such a way. “Good evening sir,” I say to him, and he widens his eyes. Caught, pinned! He just smiles weakly and dips back down into his booth.
14. I day dream often that I have enough money to treat my parents to very lavish vacations.
15. I am going to visit my daughter at her office in New York. She is about 25-years-old. I wait in the reception area and she comes out looking tired and wearing a shirt I bought her. She’s too embarrassed to give me a hug in front of her co-workers. She looks like me, and I think she is the best person on earth, though I do not want children.
16. I am sitting on a plush velvet couch in a very opulent room. There is an open box of chocolates immediately to my left. I am reading a book with one hand. My feet are tucked under me. I am without worry.
17. I day dream that I have left my apartment empty, all the furniture and art sold. I am in my late 70s, and have given up all my worldly goods. I board a helicopter somewhere in Africa, and we drop down pallets full of Ensure, and rice. I build a modest house out there. I go to ceremonies in the dark and become friends with the Africans and pour money into their town. I die in my sleep and no one notices.